Self harm is too easy. As soon as the thought pops in my head when I'm in my room, all I have to do is reach for my sunglasses case and get out the blade I got from my pencil sharpener. That easy.

Drugs well that's just going to be another part to it. I know whatever I do with my life, it's not going to be what people want for me. Drugs are illegal but to be honest what should it mater to me? I'm a disapointment to everyone already, so why not go that extra mile. I'll end up like my cousin did, a heroin junkie, don't think you ever knew that. You never listened and you know, fuck it I'm not worth listening to, simply because I am and I will organise my own downfall and disgrace.

I'm going to a party this Friday and know what? I'm going to get wasted, and yeah. That's as much as I know. Only bad thing is that fucking Rob is there, he was there Saturday. I am sick of him, he didn't speak to me, but still slapped my arse. Wasn't the only person, a guy called Bobby did too. Also had my leg slapped with a stick, welted up, but you know kind of my fault told Josh to hit me then, cause he was threatening to. Oh and Josh stole my hat twice and put it in a tree, had to get people to get it for me, cause I couldn't climb the tree. Plus I was ambushed I guess and had my hat, shoe and spats stolen, yeah. That was fun, it was a little. Because I don't even want to think about you anymore but why the fuck can't I stop.

I don't want to scar myself today, the cuts from yesterday are still pretty raw, they are hidden so it's okay really. No one will see, unless I'm careless or they are looking for it. But no one will look for it, no one knows that I have except Scarlett and she knows where, they will scar, more than likely, my skin is like that. Pick the scab, let it bleed and scar.

I won't hurt myself as long as I feel how I do right now. I feel okay, listening to good music, and it's not yours.

Except I found this song now, made me smile but it'll be in my head all day possibly.