There is some things that are bothering me, and I feel like a bitch even writing this. You know how much I care, and to be honest you can't imagine how much I worry-you really can't. Even saying we need to talk, you just assume it's bad, it isn't. I just need to talk to you and be serious, but I feel like you misinterpret whatever I say and so I end up feeling really bad and worry if you don't text back. It's paranoia! It's not good in the least, it really isn't.
I know how you feel about me, but I don't think you know how I feel, not fully. I know this isn't going to last, to me nothing does, but I know this isn't. It's the age thing and a bunch of other stuff. The stuff being my age, my mindset, and I'm nowhere near ready for any of it and I just don't think it's going to last forever. I hate writing this, I really do. Trust me on that.
I feel like right now, at times that I can't be free or if/when we break up, if anything happened to you it would be my fault. You have already said what would happen if we broke up, and I know what you are like. You know what your like, and that phonecall last week, that kind of thing really sticks in your head. I don't want to be the cause of all that coming back, you honestly deserve to be happy. I'm just being really selfish aren't I?
I have never met anyone who deserves to be loved and have a great life more than you. But I don't think I can do it. You only love me because I "helped" you and you think you need me. You don't, sweety you don't. I honestly just fuck with your head. I'm debating whether to post this or not, because I'm scared of your reaction. I love you, but I don't know if I'm going to love you like this forever, it's always going to be more of a platonic love. Like I've said before it's how we started, and it's always going to be there.
It's going to be a brilliant summer though, just me, you and whatever we do!
Things will happen.
Good and bad.
Just be grateful, for the times we have had.
I actually just made that up, in a noisy school library, because that is what I'm thinking. Just because it won't last isn't a reason not to try, because sometimes even if you fail, or things don't work it can be some of the best memories. But you, Tommy deserve so much more than me. I am everything you don't want, everything you don't need. I'm not right for you. Your sweet, caring, everything anyone could ever want.
So, Tommy don't worry be happy, because that's all we can do, and one day you will find someone perfect. Someone you love because you don't need them and found in happier times, you deserve that and so much more. But I'm still scared if anything bad happens you'll just mess yourself up, and I can't trust you not to.
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| Seriously don't worry! |
I love you Babydoll
Lea xxx
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